I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
