is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
