First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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