alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
