Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
