listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
