i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
