I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
