I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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