you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
