ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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