i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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