Kareoke will never be a sober sport
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
