I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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