I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
