I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
