I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
