"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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