I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
