I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
