So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
