I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
