It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
