at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Randomize
