i can't believe i had my finger in that
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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