I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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