i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
