What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize