Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
