Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize