Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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