last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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