i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
