Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
