these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize