I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
