turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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