The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
worst night to have a conscience
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
All I want is dick and wine.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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