Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
