My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
