apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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