She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
