I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
