i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
