hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
