Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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