i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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