ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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