The maid of honor just puked.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
