Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
