If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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