It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
