I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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