but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
