Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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