OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
