My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
