So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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