This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
