i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
