i already hear my dad disowning me
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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