I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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