take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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