Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
