What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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