You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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