I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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