there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I have already put on my inside pants.
Text me some of your sweat
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