well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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